Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Here We Are Again.

Its hard to keep doing something that makes me so sad.

We have again not conceived a child this month. I try to justify it to myself in a way that gives me hope to keep trying.

Sometimes it's "well we did not have sex enough" or maybe our timing was off" or that one day we missed, that must have been the day."

Anything to give me hope and the strength to keep going.

But this month, I have nothing.

I don't know what to tell myself. I am now feeling like why am I doing this to myself? Why to I allow myself to get excited and make plans every month only to feel horrible like I do now? I don't know anymore. I want a family more than anything but I need to have a goal. I need to know what did not work last time and what we can do different this time.

But I have nothing.

I need something.